I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
