I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My breath smells like gin and sadness
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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