It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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