I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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