we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
