wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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