dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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