Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
