OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
