yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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