she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
