Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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