if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just pee around me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
