I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
