Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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