Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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