Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
