did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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