Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
