Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
