i wish my penis had a tongue
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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