He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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