there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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