Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
