youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
