I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
