sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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