I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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