At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
