Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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