:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
