I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
