i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
