It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
