You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
