I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
