So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
