My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
