Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
