So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
