its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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