Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
