The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
