apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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