Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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