my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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