He is an equal opportunity slut.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
