So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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