Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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