Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
