I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
