Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
