he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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