Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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